Sexy, naughty, bitchy me.

I am Samuel, when you first get to know me, although it would be more like slut/bitch/whore 3 months down the road when you realise that you have just met the nicest man-eater in town. At least, this is the common pattern that I have observed and really, it would be no one’s fault but myself when the day comes and friends totally forget what my real name was having totally enjoying the experience of calling someone an explicit only to have the person respond to you beaming like sunshine instead of receiving a belt in the eye.

The funny thing is, Moma isnt really a slut or whore. I have never slept with men that I don’t know/ belonging to any of my friends’ and I never say stuff like BU JIAN DE YI HU WO BU CHUAN ORH <3 ( inside joke).  I have never had an ONS and probably never ever will and considering everything, my hymen is still intact.

People just seem to think that its totally slutty and whorish when one proclaims himself/herself to be the best thing that any man is ever gonna get, or the fact that I have a healthy interest in pretty boys and occasionally say stuff like “If I don’t receive *insert boy of interest name* outside my house tied and wearing nothing but a bow-tie and furry rabbit ears on my birthday, I will fly to USA and burn down your house.” which I don’t totally mean.

…maybe just 10%. (kekekke)

Its okay girls you can all continue calling me whatever you want because I know you all love me so ^-^

***

Over the years, I have made a lot of mistakes with men and I don’t really think that I have ever fell in love before. There are loads of men in my life right now and there are certainly cute and pretty ones whom are all quite unfortunately straight. Nonetheless, I honestly don’t think that I would get involve with any of them  even if they played for my side- The men that I seem to like all happen to be straight/already has a bf/is a fucking stalkerish slut so the right kind of guy for me would probably be the kind that I don’t like. which sucks.

Either that or is a total hawtie ( squeals) or a 7 f00t alien with 8 tentacles by the name of Squirt.

Whatever it is, I just don’t feel comfortable being anybody’s anybody right now. As  far as I’m concern, Paul ( thats the name of my bolster) is the best “man” that I have right now- Doesnt give me emotional crap, would never stalk me and most importantly, snuggles me to sleep and would never ever break my heart.

Its a very wierd way to live, but its been going great. I just wish Paul could sing me to sleep, but hey, we can’t have everything that we want.

Maybe one day this phase would pass and I would allow a real man to replace Paul, but till then, I am currently involved in a relationship with my bolster.

Holla~

Because even in darkness, there will always be light.

whooshing through clouds

If nothing unfortunate happens in 2 years time,  I would be a degree holder at the age of 23. I totally wrote that sentence out because momma needs to see why the fuck am I missing out on life and becoming fat learning APA referencing. So yes I guess it is worth it- All 10 tonnes of carbs, infinite cups of tea, 50 000 acres of cheap chocolate consumed.

On a much closer date however, in approximately a month’s time, I would be facing the biggest challenge of my dancing life with FTL.  I havent had a lot of time to practice and I am really, really going to need it because there are impossibly talented dancers taking part in this competition who are waaay above my league.

This doesnt mean I won’t fight for the top 16 position. For once in my life I will believe in my capabilities that I have what it takes to do this. All I need now is time to be taken off my crazy schedule so I can train properly.

I can do this. Gonna fight my panties off.

Chaos

Life has been chaotic. Will update soon. Miss all my biatches.

This is me not making me a new year resolution.

I really don’t see a point in making a New Year resolution this year. Lets face it- You and I both know that we will keep our resolutions for a maximum of 72 hours before we eventually give in to the absolute chore of trying to attempt the impossible ie: abstaining from chocolate for a year- Come on now. God is peeing in his pants laughing as we speak.

2009 was all about the growth- Graduation from 3 years of media studies, an empty lull period of dance sessions and classes alone, keeping faith that I will be a dance god one day when everything looked dark and bleak.

Entering army a wreck and ending up in a mental institute 3 weeks later for attempt suicide.

Winning 2 awards single handedly in the biggest dance event of 2009.

I think I experienced at least 5 years worth of drama in a short 9 months. Nonetheless I am grateful ( or at least I try to be) for everything that has happened in 2009. There were people who took the step forward from everyone I know and showed me that they are most worthy of my love loyalty. ( The kind of people of people you would be willing to give your life to should a situation call for it. But there is no need to be so hardcore and scary.)

***

To Lingxie: 

Friends for 8 years, best friends for 5. Too many things to thank for, so i am hoping this big Thank You would suffice. Love you you stupid slut. Get yourself married already. I want to be a flower girl and wear a dress before I hit 30.

To Mu En aka. Jies:

HI TOH HI TOH!!!! THANKS FOR BEING MY ONLY BIATCH WHO ISSTILL ON THIS DANCE JOURNEY WITH MEIS SUU!! I AM GLAD WE BOTH WANTED TO BE MORE CHIO AND SEXY AND TOOK UP DANCE TO CHANGE OUR ENTIRE LIVES ORH <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 I am sorryfor being callous and insensitive through the last 3 years of our dance lives, and thank you for all the times you accompanied me when we were both bored and did alot of bo liao stupid things- like taking neoprints and making strawberry cheesecake. I am always the happiestwhen we session together because i can just do alot of stupid bimbotic moves and feel so free because I know you won’t judge and i don’t have to feel nervous because YOU WOULD DO ALOT OF DUMB ACT CHIO MOVES ALSO ORH KEKEKEKEKEKEK. MEIS <3 YOU TOO ORH. ( QUICK SAY AWW.)

To Laura:

EH FAT BIATCH. ( kekekekekee)

its been almost 2 years since you left without even telling us. Even though you have done such a treacherous thing that is vaild to duan4 jue2 our jie mei guan1 xi4 orh ^-^. However, I am very sure that in the near future you would come back to find us or the 3 of us sluts would take a plane and come set your house on fire and fuck your bf orh <3 <3 <3 Please don’t act chio anymore and accept that not everyone can be as gorgeous as me. We miss you loads even though Facebook and MSN are good communication tools. Meis <3 you too toh!~ ( even though you irritate the fuck out of me orh ^-^)

To effie and nana:

I don’t  see you guys that often anymore and chances are we will see each other even lesser in the future as we continue on our different paths. Both of you helped me grow as a person and were always there when I was down and out. Doesnt mean I dont think or miss you guys just because we no longer see each other so often and that I am so caught up in my dance. <3 you guys *hugs*

I think being grateful and reflecting works better for me then trying to make up things that will never happen. So yes, have a great year everyone. I already am about to face the first challenge of the year- Floor The Love 2010!  May all the gods bless me Hallelujah.

God knows I really really need it.

more scrolls please.

I don’t like recieving praises- Having to say thank you when people compliment your work or recieving prizes and suddenly alot of people know your name. Its just awkward and uneasy and I don’t know how to react to such circumstances. Don’t get me wrong I do understand that praises and prizes are good things that people give to show appreciation and recognition but wouldnt it be so much better if everything was just a little more discreet? I for one wouldn’t say no to a PM. or an SMS- Would be the best if you could pass on your compliments in my dreams. IMO everybody should do that in the future.

….

Then again, Im wierd. Fuck this.

Dance is such a journey. I only really understood that in the past month or so through many things that happened in my life in a very short span of time. Maybe as an artiste we all need to experience more things from life and learn and grow from it to bring our work to the next level. Many lessons can be learnt from dance that can be applied to our lives to make all of us a better person. What I really love the most is that with dance, the journey knows no boundaries and you can only learn more from it to become better and better as a person and a dancer. At the end of the day, it is still essentially, being a great person that is more important then being a great dancer. There are dancers in the circuit today that are really great but the same cannot be said about them as a person.

I just want to be great someday. Many people didn’t believe in me when I said that my dream is to be a dance instructor. I guess I would just have to prove them all wrong because momma is all about making the impossible possible. Hollaaa~~

This video isnt some dope ass choreo that would blow your brains out. In fact, the dancers all suck. However, I remember the time when I was this crap that I genuinely loved dance before all the jealousy and attention seeking kicked in when I loved the attention more then the dance itself. How many of us can remember that period in our early dance life when we all really strived to work hard and love the dance itself and nothing else? This video captures the spirit of how dancers support dancers who are all doing the thing that they love most- even if you are crap. I am loving lil miss beyonce in blue on the right =)

Take your shirt off. ( nahhhh nah nah~~~)

I want some answers and I want them now. Flood my comment box people.

1) Tell me something that you do not like about me. ( if you are not honest I will know and I will put a curse on you on a pink voo doo doll. )

2) On a scale of 1- 10, with 10 being extremely superficial, give me a number.

3) Tell me one thing that you do like about me.

This is open to everyone who knows me and the existence of this blog. I know the answers to the above but I am kinda curious as to what you guys think. You know I love honesty so please, be brutal.

OSchool Recital 2009

Hi sweety. This is me. Talking to you again like some sort of  bipolar psycho.

Sunday was the end of many things. It was the end of Oschool recital, something that you have worked really really hard for, admist a short stint in IMH and a small but nonetheless dramatic suicidal episode. Little girl, I’m proud of you, and that would probably be the most eloquent sentence I can come up with right now as I am typing this around noon and my system still hasnt injest enough caffeine to come up with any je ne ce quoi-resque  quality into my writing. 

It was also the end of weekly trainings, the end of sleeping 3 hours every wednesday and the end of the many fun but sometimes awkward moments among new people because you are sometimes socially inept like that. You, or rather, me will try to remember all these wonderful memories for as long as I can until the next recital which I can hopefully join because you are going to do your part time degree next year and god knows if you would have any time to spare.

You kinda like, bagged 2 awards dude, and until now, it hasnt really hit you in the head ( or anywhere else for that matter). It feels fucking unreal and you and I both know that being the dramatic little shit that you are there was a high possibility that you would start brawling and crying or do something seriously anti-social like that.  The truth is, you didnt feel anything at all. No joy, no surprise no nothing. This is seriously bothering. I am not sure if its because the whole winning awards thing hasnt hit you in the head yet or you just kinda like refuse to believe that it happened to someone as infinitsimal in the dance world as you.

I think its the latter. ( and no, I dont know why you refuse to believe it either.)

You felt the high though.  That magic in the air on stage and the roaring of the crowd and that explosion of adrenaline. That is the absolute essence of life right there and even though you didnt manage to get back that joy you had on stage last year, it was still a blast. You love the stage now. ( or at least the RP Stage. holy shizzles but it was huge. Almost as big as my ass.)

What you really really love about the recital, however is how dancers support dancers- Even if they do not know each other. You love how everybody cheered like crazy for every single item that went up on stage where dancers laid their hearts out for that short 3 minutes or so. You love how dancers say “jia you!~” randomly to other dancers who are about to go on stage when they dont even know each other’s names. You love how everybody is fighting for the same dream together as one big ass family.

This isnt the end of a love story as you thought it was a few weeks ago. This is just the very beginning and my god its starting to look good.

Continue to work hard baby girl. We are approaching the third year of your dance life in a few months time and hopefully it would bring many more milestones to come.

Love,

me.

My Magic.

I like how dance can pierce through the many layers of us to reveal the true person that we are when on so many occasions in life we can barely scratch the surface of the many walking marbles that cross our paths. Its all that cynicism, the hurt, the sadness, the jadedness- some how dance manage to wash everything away and we are for that short choreography; that short moment in time perfect unspoiled people. We are soft, piercable and transparent. We are happy.

It doesnt matter if its jazz, contemporary or hip hop because everybody is different and I believe there is one genre of dance that is meant for our souls to fly out from our bodies and escape this tattered world we live in and just be magical.

…

I know I know. This is a case of SYTYCD post syndrome and an overdose of Mia Michaels and Billy Bell.

As a dancer this year, the learning of technique and catching of steps have slowly faded when I start to discover how dance is really more than just dance. I can’t take it.  It is too incredible a blessing to be given the chance to share my life with it; to have my life shape and become so, so much better because of its existence.

Thinking about how much dance has given me from time to time just makes me want to cry. Nothing in my life from now on would ever be the same again as it was 3 years back when I first found dance.  What on earth have I done to deserve this? To have this thing just bring everything from dark to light in an instant. It is too much to accept; too much to have.

I get it now when people say dance is life. Dance is more than just life to me- dance is simply everything of my being.

I Love Dance.

Little Miss Street Jazz

Halloween Workshop

Lady GaGa–Bad Romance

Rihanna–Russian Roulette

***